“I’m feeling that stressed energy from you, this morning,” DP said to me as she put her coat on to take the dogs out for a woods walk. It brought me out of my stupor as I stood staring at the kitchen counter.
“I don’t think I’m going to continue with a blog post every day.” I announced the flood of thoughts swirling through my head. I’d just finished the dishes and had yet to put a lunch together for work and then make breakfast.
“Do you think you feel that way because it’s right before your period? Everything looks like an insurmountable task.”
I looked up at her with tears welled up in my eyes - they would not fall. She is so good at that. The gentle reminder. She is so totally right. That was it. My two pots, two plates and a handful of silverware seemed like a Thanksgiving dinner clean up. Packing up an entire lunch so I wouldn’t starve to death at work was an already made half sandwich from yesterday’s lunch that I had to remove from the refrigerator and place in my lunch bag. Breakfast? One egg or two, English Muffins or toast, or just cereal? Do we have bananas? Milk? Is it sour? Is there enough? If I don't eat soon, I'll surely faint.
These are the days when I carry the enormous weight of the world and can barely move or make a decision. The days when I feel like I’m walking through a tar pit are far too frequent as I wait for MenOPause. I can’t find the peace of a still mind because the thought to meditate is so deeply buried under the screaming collective pain-body of the entire female race accumulated from giving life, fighting oppression, violence, and rape since the beginning of humanity as we know it.
Yeah…that’s the reason I’m ready for the “change of life.”
Even within the tar pit I seem to find words. This is post #12, so far so good.
Do you need meds, Lisa? (Or maybe you already take an anti-depressant?) I've been there, struggled with clinical depression, been on meds a couple of times, once for 10 months, then a break of 3 years, then back on them for 3 years and off them now for 2. NOT saying people should take medication--for me it's a last-ditch resort only. And one tool among many. But if you find the hormonal mood swings too much/too frequent to cope with, and nothing else works, you MIGHT want to talk to your doctor.
ReplyDeleteI'm quite sure there will come a time in my life when I need them again (thinking of the loss of my parents, as I have no other family, for example). Or perhaps as I go through menopause in turn.
I was VERY anti-pill most of my life, until I had to deal with my own depression (and even then, I suffered a long time before I could understand it was an illness like any other, not a personal failing/weakness). But now I think, heck, if I need meds again I'll take them, because my life is too short to suffer unduly.
Anyway, whatever your path, please know I'm sending universal Blessings and Light.
Thanks for your blessings and light! Your comment inspired tomorrow's post. Come back for some clarity on my thoughts.
ReplyDelete~Lisa Co9T
Lisa, I concur with Kea. You shouldn't have to suffer with such mood swings. I have to say I feel much better with all the lady plumbing GONE--more even-keeled. Having said that, I will NEVER again think I can live without my depression meds.
ReplyDeleteAs we age out brains produce less happy juice...you might need a little extra to make up for the loss.
I are keeping you in my thoughts, and sending positive vibes your way. AND, I enjoy your posts very much. Thanks!