Emotions

From a kind and courteous comment made on yesterday’s post comes today’s post.

I have considered taking anti-depressants in the past, but right now, as long as I do not make any life altering decisions or become an undue burden to DP as I go through this, I want to continue without.

In a bizarre way, I’m experimenting with the emotional intensity. Because of some past relationship issues, delving into the depths of my emotions has been a very freeing experience for me. I can explain it at this moment because I’m now beyond the tar pit and can look back at it objectively, understanding I’ll return.

Call me crazy, but I’m engaging in the drama of all this - the mood swings, the blog, the year of yes connections and people’s responses - as part of my own spiritual practice. I used to think because I could “control” (suppress) my emotions, I was being objective about them and therefore in a higher place of consciousness.

It turns out I was dead wrong.

I learned in a difficult way for me and the people surrounding me at the time, that suppressed emotions come out, and control (or lack thereof) is just an egoic story I tell myself.

Today I want to feel those emotions, recognize them (with gentle help from DP when I can’t do it myself) and honor them for what they are – the body’s reaction to a challenge or restriction – decide whether I need to take any action (is there a real decision to be made here, or just the need for a couple of Ibuprophen), make/take it or not, then pull back from the emotion, if I can, as it continues, or just ride it out with at least an awareness of it.

Writing it out this way as a step by step process is very satisfying, but the process doesn't feel like it's "happening" like that. It just kinda does. 


Thank you, Kim for prompting this.