This Blogging Thing

So I've had a reprieve from daily blogging, although I've kept up my cat blog (which is much easier for me to do), and I realized I don't know where I found the time to write a daily essay/blog!? I know I haven't been doing it long, only 50 something days, but jeepers creepers! I thought I'd have time to be writing other stuff, but I've been so busy I haven’t written another thing!

Anyway, I really wanted to spend more time with the cats too, playing with them and focusing on my bad boy, Snafu. At this point I don't think the herbal remedy we are giving him is doing anything anymore. His behavior (off Amitriptyline) really depends on how much one on one attention I give him and how much exercise he's gotten.

That really proved out a couple nights ago when I came home from work late. I'd gone to get some groceries right after work so by the time I got home, it was the dog’s bedtime (7:00) and all the cats were starving for dinner (they usually eat about 5:30).

Instead of going into Snafu’s room and giving him his ten minutes of one on one and play time, I just let him out (like I did in the not too distant old days) and tried to engage him while I put groceries away, and then I fed everyone.

What a nightmare!

After he ate dinner, he never, ever slowed down. He kept going after Penny and BJ and pacing back and forth from the kitchen through the living room and down the hall and all the way back. He'd pick fights along the way and then Angus decided to block him from coming down the hall, which always ends up in a fight. I had to keep stopping what I was doing and extract him from situations or try to redirect him.

Even when I settled down to eat, he kept going. He had to explore all the cabinets in the kitchen and kept meowing and meowing…until he finally wanted to go back into his room.

I was still trying to eat my Chinese take-out dinner after 9:00 that night!

I felt really bad for him and vowed not to do that again anytime soon!

Last night he was a lot better. DP was home during the day and the sun was out so he got to spend a lot of time outside in the cat enclosure. I spent extra time with him when I got home from work, too. He was good and napped some, but he still wanted to pace, but was just too tired.

Finally he got himself over-stimulated (like a four year old human does when they get over tired) and started being aggressive towards me, so I suggested (by the shake of his food bowl, because I wasn't going to pick him up), that he might want to go to bed early. After he nibbled a bit of kibble in his room, he conked right out!

Here is a sample video of him when he doesn't slow down. This was recorded a couple weeks ago. It doesn't seem to be much, but it's after 9:00 at night when everyone else has found a cozy spot to nap, and he's been going on like this for hours - just wanting my attention.

Anyway, I need to spend more time with the cats and with Snafu especially. So I’m good with blogging when I’ve got time and something to say.

So my next blog post will actually have a subject and not be about blogging!!


Thanks for stopping by.

Stir and Repeat

I have realized that writing for this blog is a little like writing in my journal. It’s only “a little” like my journal because I’m certainly not writing everything in a post I’d write in my journal. I don’t edit a journal entry (much).

Another thing not so similar is that I usually don’t read back over my journal entries unless it’s a year or more later. What I’m seeing and learning about myself in reading back over blog posts (before I write a new one) is that like everyone else, I deal with the same issues over and over again. On a blog, they are topics that I do not want to keep repeating unless I have a fresh new take on the old issue.

Therefore…I’ve decided that, like my journal which I do not write in everyday, I am not going to post daily.

Yay!

Whew!

I get myself into some crazy self imposed promises, but luckily it is only me this time who really cares if I break this one.

From this point forward I will post when I feel I have something new to say.

Thanks for reading!

Theme Music to Life

If I was to choose theme music for my life. This piece would be my theme.


When I hear it, I listen for the silence between the notes and I'm transported...


I love the way Mstislav Rostropovich performs it, but I couldn't embed his video here. DP gave me the entire work a couple of Christmases ago. It's wonderful to write to.


I hope you enjoy it.


I've had different theme music at different times of my life. What is your theme music?

Powerless Again! But Not Really.

Wow. Blogger goes down a day and the world does not cease.

Facebook provides.

At least Facebook provided a way to know that you weren’t the only one who couldn’t get into Blogger, and it provided a place to complain and trash Blogger.

It kind of gave me a lesson in “how important is this, really?”

That’s probably why I’m posting so late today. It’s not a big deal.

What a relief.

Don’t get me wrong. I panicked and kept trying to get into Blogger from different ways. I freaked when I couldn’t access specific posts. I ran a virus scan and tried again. Finally, I went to the Source of All Information…Facebook. 

Whew! And then...what just happened?

Deep down I've always felt there will come a time when I will disconnect from social media entirely. It would be easy since I do not use Twitter and I do not have a “mobile device” other than a basic pay-by-the-minute cell phone. For me it’s just Blogger and Facebook and that is enough to connect and keep up with.

Delete and Erase would take care of all of it. Unless, of course, I actually get a book published and then it would be a whole other matter entirely.

So, until then I’m here to enjoy!

Too Sleepy for Yes

It's 8:00 at night and it is still light out. This does not feel natural to me. The night time is a time of pulling in, of winding down, of being still and resting. To have it light implies I should be doing something other than that.

I should be out consuming, spending money and getting into debt like a good citizen.

It’s after 8:00 PM and birds are chirping outside!

I had an opportunity to say yes, but I chose no.

A Maine author was scheduled to speak at our local city library Thursday night at 6:30. She is Pulitzer Prize winning author Elizabeth Strout, creator of said prize winning novel, "Olive Kitteridge," which is set in Maine.

I was too tired. I was anxious to get home after a full week of work for the first time in three weeks (sick days led to long weekends). I gave it some thought, but I could not find the motivation to say yes.

Argh. I'm disappointed in myself but I'm glad I went home. We had a rough night Wednesday because Buzz was sick and whining through the night. I got up a couple of times, DP got up a couple of times. The cats were wondering what was going on and wanted to eat breakfast at 2:30 in the morning, and wouldn't let it go… So I was too tired to say yes.

Instead, I said YES to going to bed early!

There you have it.

There is always a yes in life.

Comments and Replies

Okay, I need to pause here and ask about blogging etiquette with regards to comments and replying to them. Now that I want to reply to comments more often, I want to be sure the commenter actually gets my reply.

I’ve known some bloggers who make the trip over to your blog and make a reply via the comments on whatever post you have up. Something like – “In regards to your comment on my blog post about such and such, blah, blah, blah…”

And then I see blog authors use a comment within that same post to make a reply. Something like – “@Lisa: I know what you mean, blah, blah, blah…”

I’ve done both those and I’ve written posts addressing everyone’s comments.

I don’t know what I’m doing.

I know WordPress does things a bit differently and allows specifically for a reply to a comment, but Blogger doesn’t.

Do you “subscribe” to the comments and then get an email when other comments are left? Do you check back on a comment you made to see if there was an author’s response? This I hadn’t done until very recently.

I’m just looking for your feedback on how you do it and what you’ve found that works best. Thank you!!

One note about yesterday’s post – I reread it later in the day and cringed. The grammar was horrible! Run on and on and on! Grammar has never been my strongest skill, but I try to edit and clean things up before I post them. Clearly I did not have my wits about me at 5:00 AM, because I pushed the Publish button before I did my editing. I usually set it up to publish about 7:00 AM just so I can look at it again after I’ve had a shower and some coffee. 

Oops! Not this time J.

Hi Ho

What a luxury it’s been to stay home sick and write. Today, Monday morning, I must return to the wild world of insurance and continue my paid mission to spread the cheer.

Why don’t I work at a book store?

Because I’m well suited for office work.

I crave routine and I create it where there isn’t any. I’m a natural organizer. That’s not to say I don’t like to mix it up now and then…usually every twenty-eight days or so.

When I took two years off from the workforce to write, I created a daily routine and had a space within my day for writing, getting the mail, doing chores.

I know that in retail and many other jobs, they mix up your schedule so you work various slots of hours during the given work week. I hate that. Waiting for your manager to make the schedule to see when you’d be working…would you have a weekend day off? I never understood why it had to be that way and the idea of subjecting myself to it, well it’s worse than the idea of working in insurance.

And to be honest, I choose not to do much “selling” of health insurance. I choose to be the account manager, the support person for my salesperson boss. I do not need the sales goal pressure, or the client loss disappointment. Even though those affect me, they do not run or ruin my work.

I got a lot of organizing and writing done on my projects the two full days I managed to focus on them. I feel real good about that. I have no goal or deadline for finishing it, so I’m free to progress at my own pace. Until another day…

By the way, our neighbors treated us to an hour’s worth of Foreigner and other 80’s music  blasted through their speakers on Sunday afternoon.

Still haven’t seen any little dogs, though J.

Happy Monday.

Blurred Rage

Yesterday I was human…without any Being in sight. An episode added to less than handful of times in my life where “I lost it.” I become inarticulate, screechy, without plan and barely a thought of what I’m doing. Some may indentify this behavior with blind rage, but that seems extreme and violent. This was more of a “blurred rage” which I identify as my sun sign Aries fire bursting through the water of my planets in Pieces. All very pretty sounding - but it wasn’t.

The conflict?

An ongoing battle with our next door neighbor’s dogs charging into our yard. They do this several times a day. You can tell when they are let out of their house you hear the barking begin in the distance, and get louder as they appear beyond our shed running like mad dogs directly into our driveway, barking at our house or under our windows if our German shepherd is not out on her line.

They’ll run up to our fence to terrorize our dogs inside it which sets off our poor guys to barking, and frightened cats scramble to their safe places. They come several times a day, every day. When we come home from work they tear out of their yard (or sometimes our other neighbor’s yard, for they terrorize them, too) and chase our vehicles…four dogs running after our wheels, running in front of us and following us into our driveway. We get out of the car, they are right there barking at us in our own driveway.

There are three mobiles on our road and we all have dogs, but this person is the only one who lets his run free at all times. Everyone else’s dogs are kept well contained behind fence, on leash or on zipline.

For most of the winter it was four dogs until his daughter took two of them with her. Since then it has mostly been two dogs, but sometimes she visits and brings the other two back with her.

Yes, we’ve spoken to our landlord (who we all lease our land from), and yes, we have conferred with our other neighbor who has also spoken to our landlord. But nothing’s been done.

Although we've not been able to capture their barking arrival, here are some video samples, so you can get a feel for what we experience daily,

One

Two

Three

Four

So, yesterday when the daughter was visiting with her two dogs, it was after the four pack’s third excursion over here that my Aries took action.

In a natural alignment with Aries comes ego and vanity, which is how I explain why I grabbed my raincoat to cover my too tight sweatpants and shirt. I didn’t want to look fat, I guess. I also pulled on my LL Bean rubber mocks and grabbed a yard rake to defend my ankles from the bastards (and I’m glad I did).

After that, I had no idea what I was going to do or say beyond, “I’M SICK OF IT!”

And so, I charged across their lawn chasing four little dogs with a rake, walked right between their house and car with a nipper biting at my heels when the daughter came out of the house and onto their stoop.

I screamed a lot of variations of “I’m sick of your dogs coming into our yard and terrorizing us.” Mind you I have a horrible cold at the moment and my voice is quite the smoker’s grovel. That’s basically all I recall saying in response to whatever she said back to me. She, of course, called me a bitch and told me to get off her property. It sounded so funny to me at the time and even in retrospect, but I didn’t laugh. I felt like I was watching reality TV, but I didn’t feel like its star.

Eventually I woke up with a rake in my hand standing in their driveway and apologized for coming over in attack mode, but said that I felt like I was being attacked several times a day by their pack of dogs. Nothing she said to me made sense or made any difference. This wasn’t a conversation. There were accusations that our dog had done damage to their car, which was impossible because she is never, ever out of our sight.

I came home, cried for a while; looked at the calendar to see how close my period might be coming; got frustrated because the calendar never is accurate anymore; then sat down to write.

It’s been almost 24 hours and I haven’t seen any of their dogs since.

Whirlwind

Moments after I posted yesterday’s blog entry (which was right after I’d eaten breakfast and taken my morning Pseudoephedrine Hydrochloride), DP announced that she’d be taking all the dogs with her on her errands.

All the dogs.

So much for being whooped.

I got a sudden rush of adrenaline and immediately after she left, I picked up the clutter and toys strewn about the floor, pulled out the vacuum cleaner and took full advantage of not having to juggle dogs, baby gates and cats to vacuum the house (cats really juggle themselves where the vacuum is concerned).

It wasn’t the most thorough vacuuming I’d ever done, but I just wanted to get through a broad sweep while I had the chance, seeing as I didn’t think I’d be vacuuming at all due to my decrepitness.

Have I mentioned I love Pseudoephedrine Hydrochloride?

Problem is – it does wear off.

With vacuuming done, I can spend today writing (while doing laundry). With hours in front of me I’m left with the dilemma of which sorely neglected project I should take a look at. I usually go by what I’m feeling at the moment and I’m not feeling anything. At times like these I usually organize a project or begin with reading a paragraph or two from where I left off.

Since I’ve taken up blogging the personal blog, it’s been a full time writing venture. Granted I am forced to write daily, which I wasn’t being very good about before. But then writing was all about the project and not such “random abandon”.

It’s all good.

Powerless

Well this is disappointing. My power just went out and now I’m on battery to write this. Just when I think I have nothing to write about…Ping! I have an idea handed to me.

Got to love the power of creativity.

All winter long we got a flicker here, a flicker there and kept our electricity flowing. I think we had one ½ hour outage. Tonight we have a little rain storm and…Ping!

I say “Ping” because that’s the noise the microwave makes when it goes out with the power and also “ping” when it comes back on.

It scares the dogs to no end.

That ping is heard several times a day everyday when we cook stuff in the microwave, but when the power goes out…the ping becomes the boogie monster. When I let Buzz (our female Jack Russell Terrier) out for potty, she went into the woods and planted herself with ears flat and tail tucked. She would not come no matter what treats I promised her. I had to go retrieve her physically…all this in the rain, of course.

Why is it when the power goes out, I immediately feel like I have to go to the bathroom and I get hungry?

Well, luckily we store lots of bottles of tap water for just these occasions, so at least I won’t go thirsty for the next two hours. That’s what Central Maine Power’s recording said when I just called them from my cell phone (digital phones go out with the power). It must have been a big accident or major issue because they listed not only my town and the surrounding towns, but also the city of Augusta. It’s huge!

I managed to swallow a luke warm dinner that was sitting in the microwave. I only got through the first half of the cooking process. Not totally bad, but not recommended for daily consumption. The temperature of it wasn’t the worst, it was just not cooked through and a bit chewy in places it ought not to be.

Well! There now, the power just came back on! That wasn’t even a whole hour. And now I’m done!

I love electricity {big sigh}.

The Temporary Truth

I wrote a guest post for my friend's blog Love on the Run. She's blogging about her separation and divorce "as it happens." Since I've been through a breakup, I offered her stories of my experience. She told me she likes how honest I am. Read the post here if you’d like (got to love the comments on that post!).

Writing that piece for her blog led me to more that I wanted to write, but did not include in that post. So I thought I’d finish it out here - more on the Temporariness of everything.

One thing I have learned through my own long term relationship and subsequent divorce is seeking security and "forever" in another human being is complete foolishness. It's not fair to the other person to depend on them for your happiness and it is not a mature and conscious way to live…expecting another evolving person to be and stay the same way to make you happy. People need to grow and evolve consciously as individuals. I believe this leads to a lot of relationship failures.

I believe in monogamy but I don't believe in forever. It is a lie, a myth, because even if you do stay with the same person for the rest of your life, death will take one of you first. Feeling this sense of temporariness ensures that I appreciate the person I am with right now so much more. There is no time for complacency, no trap set for taking someone for granted. The relationship is always in a place of gratitude. At least this is what I've found.

Everything is temporary. That is one of the greatest truths.

Eat Peeps and Blog

DP had dressed the dogs in their walking bells and harnesses and headed for the door. "Would you like to come for a walk with us?" she asked me so hopefully. "No thanks," I said quickly. "No thanks," she repeated. "I'd rather eat peeps and blog." I laughed with a mouthful of marshmallow and yellow sugar crusted lips.

It's so true.

I am not a person who craves physical activity - not like DP. She walks at least twice a day with the dogs, and is usually looking for additional physical outlets, like running, riding a bike.

Not me.

I'm going to blame my parents. They were not athletic in any fashion. They did not encourage my brothers and me to join sports. Band, yes, because my father was a musician (and my mother an artist), but not softball, basketball, hockey or track. We were all in band though, me with the flute for six years, my older brother E with the trombone, but for only one year, and my eldest brother G with the clarinet right through graduation.

I always thought band was exclusive to sports - jocks are not band geeks, but like many other things she changed my mind about, DP dispelled that notion since she was in track AND band. If fact she won things in track and placed number one in the state of New Hampshire for clarinet (I think that's right, anyway).

Humph! Of course, her father was a runner and a musician so I still blame my parents.

I'd like to say I'm going to change and say yes to becoming more physically active! But I've already tried that in life and I've got to say, I'm not so enamored with it. My feeling at this point is given the time I have to spend available I'd rather be writing or reading.

Okay, maybe cooking and eating too.

Happy Implant

Piece of cake!

I had a big mouth boo-boo all day yesterday but now it's feeling better. The first stage of the implant procedure, which Dr B called the hardest, was a lot more tolerable than a root canal. Have I mentioned I've had six root canals one of which I've given up for this implant? Actually, it gave up on me by falling out. I hate it when teeth fall out. It used to happen in only dreams…then I actually experienced a hard piece of something in my mouth I had to spit out into my hands! Lo and behold a $1,200 crown sitting uselessly in my palm. It could not be replaced other than with an implant. It took me several years to get up the nerve (and the money)!

I think most people agree dental work is not fun. If there was a hell, having dental work should be right up there on the torture forever list. Sorry Dr B. You're a nice guy and your staff is a great bundle of energy swirling me around from office, to dental chair, to X-ray and back to office and out the door. In less than an hour I was done and walking around in Walmart (don't tell my boss). I took the whole day as a sick day so I could suffer with dignity - alone!

After Walmart I came home and wrote a blog post for someone else's blog. Important heavy stuff about my "life before." It was an honor to be asked and I said yes to being a guest blogger. 

In cat news, we were told by the new vet to give Snafu the herbal tincture on a daily basis. Last night was our first regular dose and the first time he actually laid down beside me and fell asleep! This morning he is his regular chirpful self. Onward we go!

All is good today!

Full Cycle

Has it been 28 days already? Well, this is post number 27 so I guess I am only a little bit early this month.

I remember when my step-daughter was trying to get pregnant. Every month, when her period arrived, it was a dramatic tragedy. No baby, this time. I still can't help but think that phrase each month...no baby, this month.

Sorry, but my mind gets loaded with too many things and occasionally I find myself standing still, just thinking uselessly. Stopping and refocusing on the present moment is the only way to get out of it. Even as I write, broken thoughts take so much longer to make into anything readable so I guess I'll be very brief for today.

So, thanks for hanging in with me for a full cycle.

It's Coming Together

I’m writing this post in the evening (Monday evening). As I sit in front of the blazing woodstove, the peepers are singing outside in the darkness, seven cats are snoozing around me and one gray cat is zooming back and forth under the card table where I write. His belled collar is doing its job telling me where Snafu is as he lets out his energy. This is why I sit at a card table in the middle of the living room (not in the office with my fancy L-shaped desk) – to be in the warmth and be with the cats.

When I retreated to the office, at least 3 cats would accompany me. They’d find a place to nap while Snafu would compete for my attention, pawing at papers, walking across my keyboard, batting at things pictures or signs hung on the walls (here is a video sample one and two of him from before he was on meds). If another kitty jumped on the desk, a battle might occur. Last year he did spray on top of the desk, which was very disheartening at the time.  

Most nights Snafu would park himself in front of the doorway and not let anycat out or in. Inevitably fur flying fights would occur complete with screams and minor injuries. If I closed the door and kept the kitties out altogether, fights still occurred because Snafu sat in front of the door. And the office door is next to their bathroom (with most of their litter boxes) and used to be where their bowls of food were kept when we free fed them.

I could not write with any quiet consistency and with the door closed I was not spending any time with my furry friends. It also gets really cold in there on winter nights closed away from the woodstove. The card table really did change all that. Now the kitties surround me, but no one is allowed on the card table! I even put a small side table next to it with a cat bed so at least one cat can curl up beside me. It really has helped make life complete!

If you want to read more about how Snafu is doing, check out my cat blog here.

Cleaning

As you can imagine, living with 12 animals requires a lot of cleaning. This is my chemical arsenal. As organic as I’d like to be, I’m not convinced organic products work as well as these…and these aren’t even 100%, especially on a hot and humid day. They are the best I can do at this point. Ideally, DP and I would love to have wall to wall linoleum floors, but we have settled on carpets that are barf and poo brown.

I got a Spot Bot carpet cleaner for Christmas, but I’ve yet to open it because, well, there is so much more than a spot. I’m afraid all I’ll end up with is a carpet patched with clean spots. So why don’t I rent a carpet cleaner? Oy. That is a summer project because the furniture would have to go out onto the lawn. That means it would need to be a sunny stretch of days so there’s no mud which, here in Maine, is limited to about two months, and it would have to be over a weekend - a pay weekend since it’s not free to rent a machine; a weekend I’m not having my period or at mid-cycle because I have very little spare energy during those times, and…well, three years later I’m hoping this will be the summer.

I must tell you that during the writing of the above paragraphs I’ve had to stop three times to clean up cat vomit. OK, one of those treasures was “released” earlier but just discovered because Nick was trying to cover it up. The most recent vomit was given up by sweet Owen as he sat on top of the three story cat tower. Yeah, it was like hail. Good thing no one was under it (namely me).

So, I know you think I’m crazy (those of you who are not pet people, anyway) but this is what I’d rather be doing, writing and caring for our pets. It’s selling health insurance that is the real crazy thing.

Egos, Psychics and Ham

I’ve been posting this blog for over two weeks now. Today is the first day I didn’t have a post prepared ahead of time. It’s not that I haven’t written, it’s that when I read back what I’ve written, it sounds really pompous and egotistical. So here I am calling myself out. 

The best part of blogging every day is that I am writing every day. Every DAY! I haven’t done that since I took two years off to write a book (no it wasn’t published). I am learning so very much about myself by having to be honest. My friend Moose Oliver wrote a post recently about a similar thing which helped me understand what was going on with me. When I write in my journal, I can be pompous and even tell myself lies, but I have learned that when you write knowing someone else is going to read it, it makes you take that other perspective. From this I learned I can be a bit over the top. 

So I ask you, my friends and readers, please call me out. Even if it stings me, I’d like to know about it when I don’t catch it.

Here may be an example: Yesterday I went to a local psychic fair. It was billed as a “Holistic and Mystic Fair.” I’ve got to tell you I was so not impressed. There were probably 25 or 30 tables/vendors selling everything from used books, jewelry, digital biofeedback readers, incense, crystals, candles (Scensty had a table) and of course 15 minute psychic readings. I cannot imagine being able to give a quality reading in a room full of people in 15 minutes, and I cannot believe that anyone paying for one, really thinks they are getting something of value. I can actually see possible value in a tarot reading or perhaps an astrological chart, where you’re drawing from symbolism, but really, just a “reading” out of the energy surrounding the person. It was such a frantic environment!!

And there was another issue we (DP met me there) took with some of the “vendors”. There were two animal communicators there so of course we were curious. We happened to be at the fair around lunch time and it was DP who noticed that both people, on opposite sides of the room, were eating ham. DP said, “Do you think they spoke to the pig and got permission?”

Crick

Used to be the only problems that kept me from writing when I sat down were enough time, writers block, self-confidence or attention starved kitties.

Now it's a crick in the neck.

My almost-fifty-year-old body does not want to sit anywhere longer than 10 minutes that isn't ‘indently’ familiar. With my new determination to write within the available time I have, I realized I had to be a lot more mobile. I've got notebooks with pens attached and mini-tape recorders for riding in the car. I also use my computer like the laptop it was designed to be and carry it around the house with me. What a concept!

So I plug it in above the toaster and open it on the kitchen counter to type notes while I'm doing other chores (not making toast). Oh, but this is not the angle my neck likes to be held in!

“HEY!” It says to me if I tilt it the wrong way for a few extra minutes. Of course my almost-fifty-year-old eyes have to peer through the half inch circumference of my tri-focals to find which ‘tri’ will provide ‘focal’ whilst my head scans up and down.

I plop my laptop on the kitchen table and sit to hammer out a few lines of thought for a half hour and “TWEEEEK!” my hips tell me. This is not the office chair!! Why aren't my legs in the right place??

I set up my card table in the living room, but had to go through two chairs and four variations of pillow arrangements and a hassock to make this body happy for the actual hours I spend there.

The other night DP made a kind suggestion to place my card table in a certain spot over one of our dog crates, so I could just pull up a chair and write and not have to set it up and break it down each time. I stared at her blankly; I can't start all over again in a new spot, my body screamed at me.

"I...I...I need a hassock," I finally muttered walking away, shaking my head.

She never spoke of it again.